


Well, Here We Are, We Guess

by Scriblit



Category: Schitt's Creek
Genre: David having to explain Pansexuality a lot, Friendship, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, Implied/Referenced Sexual Harassment, Multi, lots of well intentioned people getting stuff wrong, tiny little LGBT+ community
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-02
Updated: 2019-09-02
Packaged: 2020-10-05 12:16:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 5,236
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20488748
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Scriblit/pseuds/Scriblit
Summary: 'I’d feel uncomfortable representing the Schitt’s Creek LGBT+ Community, because that would suggest that I am a member of the Schitt’s Creek Anything Community, and that would be dishonest, as a temporary guest of this town. A wandering Pansexual. A queer breeze, just wafting on through.’For four years, David turned down Ronnie's offer of a lift to the nearest Pride event in Elmdale. So obviously, the one year that he decided he did really want to go was the year it got cancelled.A story about an unlikely friendship, and community.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Argh, I had to do another one. This one is inspired by some smaller local demos I've been to - utterly chaotic, with nobody wanting to assume the lead and nobody quite sure of what to do or say, but it's about standing up and being counted. Needless to say, this story has a lot of people meaning well but getting things wrong, making assumptions, hardly anybody understanding Pansexuality and so on. Also has a running joke about Jake's problematic pushiness regarding his desire for a threesome, and a lot of David self-deprecating and internalising. The T rating is purely for some swearing and suggestive yearning.

1.  
‘So…’ A strange, middle-aged woman slid in next to David at the booth. She kept her gaze away from his and her voice lowered. It was a cue that had in the past meant somebody was about to try to pick him up for a threesome, or sell him drugs, or rob him, or, on one occasion, smuggle a fake passport for Alexis into Kyrgyzstan in return for $10,000 and a lock of Taylor Swift’s hair (it was actually a lock of Josh Holloway’s hair, but the Kyrgz gentleman didn’t need to know that). David did not feel that this woman was about to do any of these things, but still, the old ‘slide in next to you so you can’t get out and say “so…” while looking into the middle distance’ thing isn’t usually a sign that the rest of the sentence is going to be good.

‘So, you’re Gay, right?’ asked the woman.

Oh, shit. No. He’d been worried about this. Small, rural town. This was going to get dark, he could sense it. Brokeback Mountain Dark. 

He cleared his throat and gave her a small, perfunctory smile.

‘No, I’m David. “Gay” is more of an older woman’s name.’ (please don’t beat me to death with a tyre iron please don’t beat me to death with a tyre iron)

The woman pulled an uncomfortable looking face. (please don’t beat me to death with a tyre iron, god, heath was beautiful in that movie, why did he have to die so young, oh great, now I’ve made myself scared _and_ sad).

‘Sorry,’ said the woman, ‘that was abrupt of me. Just my way. Ronnie Lee.’

She held out her hand. A little bewildered, and still really hoping she wasn’t about to beat him to death with a tyre iron, David shook it.

‘And I understand if you’re feeling a little defensive,’ Ronnie added. ‘I get it, you’re coming from a big city, little towns like this don’t always have the best reputation for inclusiveness, but Schitt’s Creek isn’t like that…’

‘So, it isn’t the sort of town where, just because a man doesn’t conform to the constrained cues of masculinity, strangers will assume that he’s Gay?’

Ronnie gave him an incredulous look. ‘Are you telling me you’re not?’

‘I am not.’

Ronnie blinked.

‘I don’t really like ticky boxes, but if you were to threaten me with a tyre iron until I ticked one, I would actually identify as Pansexual.’

‘Oh.’ Ronnie’s expression darkened. 

And he’d thrown a term she wouldn’t even have heard about into the already awkward conversation. Well, looked like it was time for another of David’s handy explainers. What props did he have to hand? Condiments – they’d do.

‘OK, so some people like salt on their food, and some like pepper, and that’s fine, but I sometimes like salt and pepper, and sometimes ketchup, or mustard, sometimes I like sea salt that was accidentally put in a pepper mill, or…’

‘I know what Pansexuals are,’ Ronnie interrupted. ‘You’re one of those fancypants new ones that made us put a plus at the end of LGBT to stop all the letters getting out of hand.’

The penny dropped.

‘Oh. I see.’ David regarded Ronnie. ‘I take it you represent the good old fashioned L in the LGBT+ umbrella?’

Ronnie nodded. ‘Since you were in diapers.’

‘What a disturbing mental image for you to choose to conjure.’ David gave her another tight smile. ‘So… is this, like, the Schitt’s Creek Queer Community Welcome Wagon? Do I get a hamper? Muffins…?’

‘We don’t all meet up or anything,’ Ronnie replied. She paused. ‘Well… me and my girlfriend do every night and she and I make up most of the ‘community’, truth be told… anyway. What I’m saying is, we’ve never had any trouble in this town. So if anybody does start giving you shit, it’s probably just your personality that they hate.’

‘OK. Well, thank you so much.’

‘Also,’ continued Ronnie, calmly, ‘Elmdale is the nearest Pride. It’s actually on next Saturday. There’s room in the car for you if you want to attend, and if you promise not to hit on me and Karen. Had to throw the other Bisexual out for that nonsense.’

‘Pansexual, and thank you, but no. I’m afraid I’d feel uncomfortable representing the Schitt’s Creek LGBT+ Community, because that would suggest that I am a member of the Schitt’s Creek Anything Community, and that would be dishonest, as a temporary guest of this town. A wandering Pansexual. A queer breeze, just wafting on through.’

‘OK.’ Ronnie got up. ‘Well, I’ll leave you to your wafting, then. But the offer always stands. Every year.’

David smiled again. ‘Ronnie, you have my guarantee that I will not be here next year.’


	2. Chapter 2

2.  
‘So,’ said Ronnie.

‘So,’ said David.

‘Still here after all,’ said Ronnie.

‘Mhmm,’ said David, ‘thank you for noticing.’

‘Need a lift to Elmdale Pride, then?’ Ronnie asked, ‘or are you still wafting around?’

‘Think I’m still wafting.’

‘Just, a year is a long time to waft.’

‘I guess.’

‘And you know Elmdale now, don’t you work there? Won’t be such a big deal to walk down the street with the couple of dozen of us who show up. Wave a flag for an hour. Represent.’

‘Represent what?’ sighed David.

‘Well, decent Bisexuals for a start,’ replied Ronnie. ‘The other one is awful. Walking cliché. Tries to screw anything with a pulse.’

‘Again, Ronnie. Not Bisexual. It’s a whole different flag.’

Ronnie shook her head, walking away. ‘A weird flag, is what it is. Colour scheme’s all over the place.’

‘I will admit that it is one of the brighter flag designs,’ David called after her. ‘It’s not my fault that I have a sexuality that clashes with my aesthetic.’

‘We’ll save a space in the car for you in case you change your mind,’ Ronnie told him, pausing at the door. ‘Hell, you can have the whole back seat. Connor doesn’t want to come and the bad Bisexual can make his own damn way.’

‘Pan and Bi people aren’t all sluts, Ronnie!’

‘This one is!’

‘Well can you send him my way?’ 

It was under his breath, but Ronnie still heard.

‘You don’t want that, David.’

‘You don’t know what I want.’


	3. Chapter 3

3.

‘You were right. I did not want that.’

‘What?’ Ronnie blinked. She hadn’t even sat down yet.

‘I’m assuming this is your annual ‘room for one more in the sad little Schitt’s Creek LGBT+ contingent’ talk?’ David asked. ‘Last year you tried to warn me off Jake.’

‘Who?’ 

‘The guy who wants to fuck everything with a pulse.’

‘Oh. Him. I take it he tried it with you?’

‘And Stevie. At the same time.’

‘Incredible.’

‘Right?’

Ronnie laughed a little. ‘Boy, I bet he kicked himself for blowing his chance with you.’

David frowned. ‘That’s uncommonly nice of you to say.’ 

‘He always gets over-excited at Elmdale Pride because there are actual men who might possibly be up for a quickie with him there. Imagine! He finally learns that there’s one solitary other Bi man in town…’

‘…Pan…’

‘And then scares you off straight away with his threesome obsession!’

David winced. ‘Well… not straight away.’

Ronnie rolled her eyes at him. ‘Oh, no.’

‘Oh no indeed.’

‘Well, Karen and I can always run interference at Elmdale, make sure he doesn’t start pestering you again…’

‘I’m not going to Elmdale on Saturday.’

Ronnie sighed. 

‘And not just because I’ve had it up to here…’ David gestured to his gullet ‘…with pushy tops lately, even though I _really_ have…’

(ok but that’s wrong because if patrick wanted to top me i’d be naked, greased and bent over the nearest surface before you could say “excuse me”)

(yeah he’s a top. for women. for pretty little women, not big messy queer men, you fucking idiot)

(still though, imagine...)

‘Mm. Moira told me about your ex.’

David’s mind swam back into the conversation. His mom had been telling her _what_?

‘Mother’s telling her friends about my low-key whoring for memory cards; that’s cute.’

‘That wasn’t “whoring”. That was just shenanigans. The Jazzagals were all very proud of you.’

‘Whole choir knows,’ whispered David to himself.

‘She also told me that he stormed off back to the city, so I doubt he’ll be blessing us with his presence at Elmdale Pride.’

‘It’s not that. I’m just super busy, right now. We want to launch the store soon, and there’s so much work to do…’

(and if i told patrick i was going to pride we’d end up having _that_ conversation where i have to explain pansexuality to him through the medium of cheese or something, and he laughs and thinks it’s all very interesting and modern and then he tells me how completely and utterly heterosexual he is and i would go home and eat, like, a whole brie and die of brie poisoning)

‘Can’t you get Mister Straight Guy to cover for you for one day?’

(straight guy, straight guy, see, ronnie’s picking up the straight vibes from him too and she’s like a level 8 lesbian at least, so she should know)

‘Sorry,’ said David, not meaning it.

Ronnie put her hands up, with a shrug. ‘Up to you. Offer always stands. Maybe next year?’

‘Maybe,’ replied David, drifting back into the fantasy that had kept him going throughout the uncomfortable encounter with Sebastien and beyond – the one about Patrick and the desk in the stockroom. He didn’t even bother to pretend that he didn’t think he’d still be there next year.


	4. Chapter 4

4.

‘There’s space for you both, you know.’

‘We’re busy.’

‘It’d be nice not to be the only couple from Schitt’s Creek for a change.’

‘I know, but we really are busy, right now. The store. Saturday’s always a rush.’

‘I know Connor’s been thinking about it too. Maybe if some other, younger guys went…’

‘He’s a teen. I’m thirty…ish. He does not want me to be his mentor or whatever.’

‘Fine. Same time next year?’

‘Why do you keep doing this, Ronnie?’

Ronnie blinked. ‘Because you deserve the opportunity to go to a Pride event. Everybody who’s like us does.’

‘Patrick’s got a car. I’ve got… quarter of a car. But you still offer a lift.’

Ronnie leaned against the store counter, thinking. ‘I guess… it’s a community thing. Or my attempt at one.’

‘We’re two couples, a kid and a gross carpenter guy who _still_ keeps surfacing to ask about orgies, by the way.’

Ronnie pulled a face.

‘It’s just not much of a “community”. I mean, how are we ever going to get our gay agenda passed, with just us?’

‘Well, I’m on the town council, so that’s a start.’

‘True. When are we destroying straight marriage, again?’

‘Got it penciled in for next Thursday.’

They shared a brief, thin smile.

‘It’s because not everybody gets to go,’ Ronnie said, after a while. ‘Because I spent years trying to make myself like boys, to keep my mom happy.’

David nodded, thinking about Rachel.

‘Because it took a while longer for my mom to be OK with the fact that I _didn’t_ like boys. Because Karen’s Grampa was _never_ OK, not even on his deathbed. Because there’s parts of the world where people like us get locked up or worse. Because dark shit still happens to some people like us even in Canada, even in 2018. Because I want to stand up once a year with a community and say “here we are, all six of us, and we _are_ proud to be Lesbian and Gay and Bi and… Plus”. Because maybe if we do, a seventh will finally feel able to say “oh hey, me too”. And an eighth. Or maybe not. I don’t know. You probably think it’s lame.’

‘No. I don’t. I think it’s… noble. I think you’re being very noble.’

Ronnie looked surprised. ‘Well. Thank you. It’s an honour to hear, coming from someone who’s done so much to increase this town’s LGBT population.’

‘Patrick, you mean? That wasn’t me, as such,’ David demurred. ‘That was all down to my cute lil butt.’

‘Yuck.’ 

‘And maybe my hands? A little bit? Artist hands?’

‘All of this is only serving to make me _less_ attracted to men, if that was at all possible.’

‘I’m told I have very lovely clavicles,’ called David after her as she left. ‘Men just tumble out of the closet to give them a nibble… Roland, hi!’

But Ronnie was gone, and David was left to explain to Roland that a clavicle was not a kind of biscuit.


	5. Chapter 5

5.  
‘Why?’

‘Because.’

‘But it’s a Saturday. It’s the busiest day.’

‘Stevie and Alexis can manage to cover us for one Saturday. Alexis still needs to work off the cost of that sink, anyhow.’

‘David. I’m just not…’ Patrick sighed. ‘We’re getting married! Is that not enough of a public display of pride in our relationship?’

‘This isn’t about our relationship, though. This is about the wider community.’

‘We have a “wider community”?’

‘Ronnie and Karen,’ said David, counting off on his fingers.

‘Who hate my guts,’ Patrick interjected.

‘I don’t think Karen knows you well enough to hate you, Patrick. Connor…’

‘Who I do not know.’

‘And Jake.’

‘Who keeps trying to have sex with both of us.’

‘Yeah, that was a weird way to suggest celebrating an engagement. But he is what he is.’

‘We have nothing in common with any of these people, David!’

‘Maybe if we spent more time with them, we’d find out that we do. Not Jake. Jake can hang back with his hands where we can all see them. But the rest… I haven’t been to a Pride event in years. The big ones always used to make me feel super anxious…’

‘You are not good with crowds or sweat,’ conceded Patrick.

‘…and when I came here, Ronnie started inviting me to this little one in Elmdale, but, I don’t know, I always felt that going there would make me some kind of fraud. Like I shouldn’t be a part of it.’

‘That’s exactly what I mean. I’ve never been a part of any Gay community. Just the one with you.’

‘Yeah, that’s a couple. Not a community. And that’s one of the reasons why I feel like we should both go, this year. Engage in a little outreach; maybe even do some networking for the store, you never know.’ David put his hand on the nape of Patrick’s neck and pulled his best sad face. ‘Also I feel really bad because I’ve blown Ronnie off like four years in a row now and apparently at the last Pride some gross kids threw water balloons and maybe they’d be a bit more scared about pulling that shit if there were a couple more men on the march.’

‘Kids throwing stuff is making you _more_ determined to go?’ Patrick laughed a little. ‘So you can be one of the valiant menfolk acting as a deterrent?’

‘I can be menacing!’

‘You’re like a Persian Cat walking on its hind legs, David.’

‘Cats are predators. Even Persians.’

‘You’ve already made up your mind that you’re going haven’t you?’

David nodded.

‘Well, I suppose I’d better tag along, then,’ said Patrick. ‘If only to make sure you don’t menace too many children with your terrifying machismo.’

‘Yeah, nobody’s going to Elmdale Pride this year,’ said Ronnie, three hours and a trudge across town later.

‘What?’ David was incensed. After years of Ronnie trying to press gang him! After everything he’d said to Patrick! ‘Why?’

‘Because they cancelled it.’

‘Who? Why? Cancelled? Pride is about love! You can’t just cancel love!’

‘Security risk. It was in the paper.’

‘Oh my God, they cancelled love,’ breathed David, incredulous.

‘Security risk?’ Patrick echoed, a hint of anxiety to his voice. ‘Why, was there a threat? Is some neo-Nazi asshole threatening gay people? Events? Our wedding…’

‘Calm down, Brewer, it’s not Nazis and it’s certainly not all about your damn wedding.’ Ronnie looked furious, but at something other than Patrick. Patrick was just a handy lightning rod at this point. ‘Couple of dumb kids threw water balloons last year because they thought it was funny. Elmdale council decided it showed there was too much risk involved – what if they were special acid-proof balloons full of acid, that sort of thing.’

David’s eyes widened. ‘Can you _get_ acid proof balloons full of acid?’

‘Course not. Look, it’s just budget cutting, they’ve been looking for an excuse not to host it for years, because they need a police presence and a music license for the little concert at the end. Those kids were a godsend to them.’ Ronnie shook her head, looking away. ‘So, that’s that. I’m looking into the next nearest, but all the others that are less than two hours drive away have already been and gone. Think we’ll have to skip it this year.’

David thought about this, about not having to go through the inconvenience of getting Alexis and Stevie to mind the store; about not having to drag his complaining fiancé to an event that he himself had turned down four years running; about the anxiety and the crush and the noise at the Prides he’d attended at New York and London and Paris and that guy in LA who’d kissed him without asking like he was a military nurse on VJ Day, ew.

And David thought about how careful he’d had to be in Dubai, and how afterwards he’d decided that unless it was an Alexis Emergency, certain travel destinations weren’t worth the risk for a man like him. He thought about that bar in Toronto – _Toronto!_ – where the way the men were talking made him feel unsafe, so he’d put on an act, changed the tone of his voice and the way he moved so as not to draw attention to himself, and got out of their space as fast as he could. He thought about the disappointment on Ronnie’s face. He thought about how tough it had been growing up distinctly non-heterosexual, even as the wealthy son of New York liberals in the 90s. He thought about how much harder it must have been growing up lesbian, Black and working class in rural Canada, a good 20 years before that.

‘Fuck it,’ he said, ‘let’s do one here.’

‘What?’

David shrugged. ‘How much can it possibly cost the town to host it? We’d just be walking up the street, the store has a music and liquor license for a few songs and speeches afterwards.

‘It’s not as simple as that…’

‘You’re Town Council, Ronnie. Mom would vote through a Pride parade in a snap, she’d probably try to organize the whole thing…’

‘Your straight mother is not organizing my Pride march!’

‘So, you _do_ want to do one here.’

Ronnie glared at David, and sighed. ‘I’ll see what I can do. But chances are, it would just be the four of us.’

Patrick shrugged. ‘Maybe if David whispers “three-way” in a mirror five times, Jake will show up and add to the numbers.’

‘How many times has he tried to have sex with you two, now?’

‘Eight.’

Ronnie managed a small laugh at that, and David knew he’d won her over. To an off-the-cuff idea that he wasn’t sure he was particularly sold on, himself. 

Shit.

It’s was raining. The sky was the colour of a sad old shirt. Not weather that exactly screamed ‘LGBT+ Pride’. As off-brand as the weather felt, David had managed to out-off-brand it. Would it have killed his fellow Pansexuals to choose a more muted palette? He had bought a small, understated enamel Pan Pride pin, tried it on, realized that nobody would be able to see it unless they were uncomfortably close to his personal space, and then bought a cheap flag on eBay to wear as a sort of cape. He felt like a knock-off superhero action figure in it. Patrick had given himself rainbow stripes under both eyes in face paint, which were starting to run already. Ronnie and Karen were waiting in Karen’s truck, with the door open.

‘So… are we going?’ 

Was this what Ronnie and Karen always wore to these things? They were both dressed completely normally, except that Karen had a hat on with ‘Nobody Knows My Girlfriend’s A Lesbian’ embroidered on it, and Ronnie had a matching cap reading ‘Nor Mine’.

‘The police escort’s here?’ Ronnie asked.

Patrick nodded to two bored looking cops waiting at the start of their ‘route’. They hadn’t had any barricades for the route, but Roland of all people had cordoned off the high street from the veterinary to the store, using fold-out chairs and Christmas garlands, which were now getting soggy. A handful of onlookers were standing behind the flimsy chairs and wet crepe paper, watching with quiet curiosity underneath waterproof jackets and umbrellas. Alexis had done the best that she could to get the word out with no marketing budget and short notice, but as far as David understood it, nobody from outside of Schitt’s Creek would be attending. This was it.

Karen got out of the truck, with Ronnie following. ‘Well. This is it, then.’

She took Ronnie’s hand, and David took Patrick’s. And then, to David’s surprise, Ronnie held her free hand out to Patrick. Patrick accepted it, silently.

They walked in that same awkward silence for the first few steps. David realized suddenly that none of them was holding the loudhailer Roland had promised to provide. Even if they had one, what were they supposed to say? He’d never lead one before, to his knowledge neither had Ronnie nor Karen, and it was Patrick’s first Pride. David didn’t really want to chant, he wasn’t a big chanter, and it would just sound weird coming from four people.

‘There they are!’ Roland’s voice managed to sound booming and tinny at the same time, and was partially obscured by the whine of feedback. So _that’s_ what had happened to the loudhailer. He was standing on one of the barricade-chairs opposite the vet’s. ‘That’s my best friend! And her girlfriend! And my other best friend’s son! And his fiancé! And they’re all Gay except for Dave, who’s one of those additional sexualities and it was explained to me one time but I didn’t understand it! Anyway, aren’t they the best?’

Somebody started cheering, on the other side of the road. It was Ted. His receptionist and a couple more bystanders started applauding. David realized after a moment that Ted wasn’t cheering, but shouting something.

‘What?’ David shouted back through the rain.

Ted cupped his hands and shouted again.

‘What??’ David repeated.

To his alarm, Roland hopped off the chair, ran across their paths, stepped over the cordon on the other side and handed the loudhailer to Ted.

‘I said, some of my bunnies are Gay!’

‘…What??’

‘Can they join?’

‘Bunnies??’ called Ronnie.

‘I like bunnies,’ said Karen.

‘How can bunnies be…’ began David, but Ted had disappeared.

Roland started keeping pace with them, alongside the cordon. ‘Anybody _else_ got any Gay pets?’ he called through his microphone.

‘This isn’t for pets,’ David shouted back, but Ted was already running up to them, carrying two rabbits on leads. ‘Ted, what the Hell?’

‘This is Barry and Cookie,’ Ted beamed at them. ‘Thought they were a breeding pair, turned out they were two guys who were just really into each other. We need to adopt them off as a pair, they’re inseparable, maybe this’ll find them a home.’ Ted gave them all a big, handsome, hopeful face. ‘Please? From one same sex couple to two others?’

‘Fine,’ said Ronnie, ‘Barry and Cookie can join. You can carry ‘em, but stay to one side, please.’

Ted grinned with delight, and bounded over to Karen’s side.

‘Heyyy, little guys,’ breathed Karen to the rabbits. ‘So which of you’s the Patrick and which is the David?’

‘I heard that,’ said David.

‘Cookie is such a David,’ Ted replied.

‘I also heard that!’

‘Any more Gay pets?’ Called the loudhailer.

‘Oh my _God_.’

‘Roland,’ shouted Patrick, ‘This really is a predominantly human event. All LGBT _people_ are welcome, but…’

‘Heyyyyy.’

HOW. HAD JAKE. EVEN GOT THERE WITHOUT ANYBODY NOTICING?

David turned to Patrick just as Jake slid his arm around David’s waist. ‘See what you did? You summoned him. Jake, no touching torsos, remember our last chat?’

Jake obligingly moved his arm to create a more platonic elbow-link with David.

‘Fuck it,’ came a voice from the onlookers. Connor had grown considerably since the awkward talk with David (what is he now, like 20? good god, how long have i _been_ here??), but he was still recognizable as he slid under the cordon and shuffled over to them. Karen grabbed a hold of the young man and ushered him between herself and Ted. Not today, Jake.

They walked on, The rain had started to ease up, but the applause did not. There were more people behind the Christmassy cordons now, including a fair few familiar faces. David’s sister was there, waving, accessorized with a phone, a hat and a Twyla.

‘Ted!’ Alexis called. ‘Are you being an ally?’

‘I’m here for Barry and Cookie,’ shouted Ted.

‘Well, that’s nonsense,’ Alexis replied. ‘You getting to be in because you’ve got bunnies – I’ve got a whole brother.’ At that, she easily stepped over the cordon, like a giraffe stepping over a garden fence. ‘Come on, Twy.’

‘Alexis!’

‘It’s fine, I’ve represented as your family at other Prides – like Barcelona.’

‘I wasn’t _at_ Barcelona Pride!’

‘I know, that’s why I represented on your behalf, you’re welcome.’

‘…why wasn’t I even there, I love Barcelona…’

Alexis pushed in between David and Jake. David briefly considered admonishing his enthusiastically heterosexual sister for literally sidelining a Bi guy at a Pride event, but this was Jake, so. Whatever.

‘Are we all joining in, now?’ Jocelyn trilled from behind him. ‘This is fun! I’ve never done one of these before!’

‘Um,’ said Patrick, ‘I’m not sure you _do_…__

_ _But it was too late. All of the onlookers started pushing through the cordons to join them. Their two police escorts gave Ronnie alarmed looks, but Ronnie shook her head. ‘It’s OK. If they want to be with us, then they’re with us.’_ _

_ _David’s parents and Stevie were waiting at the end of the route, just outside the shop. By the time David and the others got to it, their march was a couple of hundred people strong._ _

_ _Stevie came over to join him and Patrick. ‘Did you just get a whole town to come out?’_ _

_ _‘I don’t think they really understood what it was,’ admitted David._ _

_ _‘I still don’t really understand what this is,’ added Patrick._ _

_ _‘What happens now?’ Roland cried, still through the loudhailer, as they came to a stop outside the store._ _

_ _‘Say something, I guess?’ replied Ronnie._ _

_ _‘Oh, OK,’ bellowed Roland. ‘I first met Ronnie when I was…’_ _

_ _‘Not you. Us.’ Ronnie held out her hand for the loudhailer, then frowned the moment she was given it, as if she hadn’t thought that far ahead. ‘Well,’ she said into it, ‘here we are, we guess.’ _ _

_ _The crowd cheered._ _

_ _‘The LGBT _plus_ community of Schitt’s Creek. All six of us. Eight if you include these stupid rabbits.’_ _

_ _Karen gently took the loudhailer off her. _ _

_ _‘I first met Ronnie Lee when I was 25 years old,’ she said, ‘and my whole world changed. It was like finding a jigsaw piece that made the whole puzzle of my life come together. And not everybody was OK with that. But you were, Schitt’s Creek. And we appreciate that. You’re good friends. For a long time, we were the only queer people that we knew of in town, but now we have younger, prettier competition.’_ _

_ _David laughed._ _

_ _‘And good for them,’ continued Karen. ‘Good for them. Marriage wasn’t an option for us back when we were at a stage in our relationship where we’d have thought about it – by the time it became legal here, we didn’t really see the point. So it’s really exciting to know that it’s something the next generation of same sex couples can do, and want to do. It’s actually quite nice to let another couple do the trailblazing on this one, and who knows? Maybe one day soon we’ll look at the Brewer-Roses or whatever the Hell their fancy Millennial new surname’s going to be and think “maybe we should do that too, after all”.’_ _

_ _David had honestly never seen Ronnie look so soft._ _

_ _‘I mean,’ added Karen, ‘first we’ll have to see how she takes the news that I just agreed we’d adopt these rabbits.’_ _

_ _‘You did what?’ asked Ronnie._ _

_ _Karen passed the loudhailer to Connor. _ _

_ _‘Um,’ said Connor. ‘Yeah, so I’m Gay? That’s it.’_ _

_ _He passed the loudhailer to Patrick._ _

_ _‘I am also Gay,’ said Patrick, ‘and proud to be honest with myself and my loved ones about it at last. I had this speech planned about David and things falling into place, but Karen just used it. Sorry.’_ _

_ _David took the loudhailer. ‘OK, so before I start, who here knows what a Pansexual is?’_ _

_ _Stevie and Alexis both raised their hands sarcastically. His parents put their hands up rather more enthusiastically. Not many others did._ _

_ _‘Right, so… some people like salted popcorn, and that’s fine…’_ _

_ _Jake snatched the loudhailer._ _

_ _‘Love is love,’ cried Jake, ‘and I love everybody here.’ He quirked an eyebrow at Twyla. ‘Hey.’_ _

_ _‘Ew!’ David tried to take the loudhailer back. ‘Why do you always have to try to have sex with everything?’_ _

_ _Jake grinned back. ‘Because it’s beautiful. Why do _you_?’_ _

_ _‘I do _not_! I’m a connoisseur!’_ _

_ _Jake shrugged. ‘You say that, but I only see one person here who’s literally had sex with a third of the town’s queer community.’_ _

_ _‘Er, two, actually, because also Stevie has done that,’ said David, accidentally into the loudhailer._ _

_ _‘Just doing my bit,’ said Stevie at her shoes, as several faces turned to stare at her._ _

_ _‘Yeah,’ muttered Connor, ‘see this is why I don’t ever hang out with the rest of you guys.’_ _

_ _

_ _There was music and wine at the store. They even made a handful of sales, which David felt a little guilty about, and decided to talk to Patrick about making regular donations to Rainbow Railroad, or an LGBT Youth Line. He noticed Ronnie standing alone at the back, and went over to join her._ _

_ _‘So. Bunnies.’_ _

_ _Ronnie rolled her eyes. ‘She’s gone to the vet’s to buy them a cage. I’m going to kill Ted.’_ _

_ _‘Was this OK?’_ _

_ _‘This was… different. Not what you’d get in Elmdale.’_ _

_ _‘Certainly nothing like what you’d get in New York,’ David agreed._ _

_ _‘It was very… us,’ Ronnie conceded._ _

_ _‘Yes. It was that.’_ _

_ _‘But, I think that’s what made it perfect,’ added Ronnie. _ _

_ _‘Because it’s about community,’ said David, ‘and, small and weird as it is, this is our community, I guess.’_ _

_ _‘Yes, it is.’_ _

_ _Ronnie took his hand, and smiled. ‘If Cookie does turn out to be a girl after all…’_ _

_ _‘Why would you assume Cookie is the bottom bunny?’_ _

_ _‘If _either_ rabbit turns out to be a girl, I am so forcing you and Brewer to take the babies.’_ _

_ _David smiled back at her, fondly. ‘Ew.’_ _


End file.
